COPPERS LOVE SPUDS TWISTED AND SPLIT

SOMEHOW A WOMAN who twisted a police officer's love spuds after wiping a PISS-soaked dress on him has escaped a jail term.

Full on Bogan, Carol Suzanne Staltari was arrested by police after becoming aggressive while trying to remove her mother and brother from an Adelaide nursing home in contravention of an order by the Guardianship Board in May 2007.

Staltari, 58, refused to get into a police car, pissed like racehorse over her clothes and then rubbed her soaked dress into a Senior Constable's face.

When the same police officer tried to keep her pinned to the ground Staltari (right), grabbed his gonads and twisted them so hard with her vice like grip that they split like an old Size 5 Mitre football that had been left outside for the winter. Her Lawyers say she normally likes to chew instead of twist.

The Constable was in so much pain when he arrived at Hospital he needed a healthy shot of morphine to ease the agony, and after several hours of sewing by Doctors his nuts were saved. Two years later he is still walking like John Wayne after a week in the saddle and his legs are even further apart than Paris Hiltons.