WHEN NATURE CALLS

MAD AS A BOTTLE OF CHIPS GOALKEEPER, Jens Lehmann, has been told he was lucky to escape punishment after appearing to 'break the seal' behind his goal during Wednesday's 3–1 win over a team from Romania beginning with 'U'. The goalkeeper, who goes off his head at referees and now plays for Stuttgart, jumped over the advertising hoardings and looked as if he was relieving himself before being rudely interrupted by a Romanian counter-attack.

He is not the first sportsman or woman to attend to a call of nature during an event. Paula Radcliffe famously curled out a steaming turd during the London Marathon (right), putting commentator Brendan Foster off his Walnut Whip, and Steve Cram refusing to interview her, due to his sensitive nose.
Radcliffe went on to win the race with shit running down the back of her knee.

Yoo Ess of A player Da Marcus Beasley once had a Pat Cash next to the bench when waiting to come on against Mexico in World Cup 2002, Causing his Manager and professional Twat Bruce Arena to 'go off his frickin head', throw at least one cup of Gatorade and threaten to 'shove a cigar so far up Beasley's ass he'd have to light his nose to smoke it' (left).