COWELL CRAPPING HIS HIGH WAISTED PANTS

Simon Cowell has branded a Facebook campaign to get rock band Rage Against The Machine to Christmas number 1 as "cynical" and "stupid".

The online group, now with over half a million members, begun by music fan Jon Morter and his wife Tracy, urges its supporters to buy Killing In The Name instead of the forthcoming single from the winners of this year's X Factor series.

Speaking to NME Morter said: "We've nothing personal against Cowell at all, we just do not want yet another Christmas chart-topper from that show again."

However, speaking at a press conference today Cowell, who is the bastard love child of Pete Waterman, retorted saying: "It's quite a cynical campaign geared at me which is actually going to spoil the party for these three X Factor finalists."

Cowell ,who wears his trousers up around his naval, and whose own record label Syco will release the X Factor winners yet to be confirmed Christmas single added: "I also think it's incredibly dismissive of the people who watch and enjoy the show where they treat our audience as if they're stupid and I don't like that". Without realising they are fucking stupid.

CLICK PLAY TO FIND OUT THAT THE PRESSURE'S LIKE NICE.

"I think the campaign is aimed directly at me, it's stupid. Me having a number 1 record at Christmas time is not going to change my life particularly". Though by mentioning that he is clearly crapping his extremely high waist band Chino Jeans.

"It does, however, change these guys' lives. We put this opportunity there so the winner of the X Factor gets the chance of having a big hit record."

Oh well, perhaps if they toured the country in a Ford Transit Van playing pubs and clubs, wrote their own material, carried their own equipment that they actually could play, lived off of Pot Noodles and got paid £20 a show for the pleasure, then they might deserve a break and a shot at the big time instead of the instant success and millionaire status that comes with winning X Factor.

A good example of doing what you can to get by is platform shoe wearing Brummie, Noddy Holder of Slade, who did have a Christmas Number 1, but was once so skint in the early days of Slade, that he got paid to Curl out a Christmas Number 2 Black Forest Gateau on a glass coffee table by a perverted German who was laying underneath watching and stroking his Lederhosen at the same time.

These X Factor kids have got it easy, and what they Curl out is a whole lot worse than Noddy ever did.