WOODS CLUBBED BY BIRDY

Thick as fuck cops are yet to interview Tiger Woods (above) over a bizarre car crash just outside his Florida terraced house that left the world's greatest golfer unconscious and sparked claims it was caused by a domestic spat over allegations he was having an affair.

Somehow, Woods, who's real name is Eldrick, managed to crash his SUV into a fire hydrant whilst reversing at the blistering pace of at least 15 MPH.

The golfing great's fit as you like wife, Erin Nordegren (right), said she rescued her husband from the wreckage using a golf club to smash the car window, but other reports emerging out of the US claimed she had used the club on her husband during their late-night row. It's not known which club she used, although neighbours speaking outside the couples tiny 34 up 34 down des res say it looked like a 'sand iron'.

The fight that apparently led to the crash was reportedly sparked by tabloid reports that Woods cheated on his wife by playing a quick round with a nightclub hostess in Melbourne during the recent Australian Masters. A tournament which Woods won, causing Channel 9 host Eddie McGuire to have a hard-on of epic proportions for the rest of the week and a story to dine out on for years to come.